November 19, 2013
Most busy parents, especially those in chaotic cities like Lagos, rely on domestic workers to help them with their household chores and cater for their children.
Over the years, some parents have tagged domestic workers as ‘necessary evil,’ while others feel that employing them is tantamount to dinning with the devil.
A banker,Mrs. Yetunde Shonibare, recalled the nasty experience she had with a domestic worker she employed sometimes ago.
Shonibare said she left home at 6am for her office at Ogba and returned home around 8pm. Hence, she employed a house help to take care of her four-year-old son while she was at work. the relationship between her 18-year-old domestic help and her son soared within a short period of time until things went awry.
“My joy went sour the day I noticed my son playing with his penis.
I remember that day very well. My son was watching TV and at the same time fiddling with his penis. I had never seen him do that. I was shocked to my bones. I asked him some questions and then realised that it was my domestic worker that taught him. I suspected he had been sexually harassing my son. But when I confronted him, he denied it.Because I needed someone to take care of my son, I just couldn’t send the house help away without getting someone else. I decided to manage him but I became more sensitive. As time went on, I noticed that my son was becoming more fearful especially of my house help. It was as if my son’s personality changed. I became very worried,”
On getting back from work one day, i heard her my screaming. When i got into her house, i found him lying on the ground alone at home.I saw blood stains on his shirt, and marks on his back as if someone scratched him. I later discovered that my house help used a hanger to scratch my son’s back. I scolded him in the morning before I left home for something he did wrong. It was as if he vented his anger on my son.
Surprisingly, my son tried covering up for my house help, he told me that he fell at school, but when I called his teacher, she said it wasn’t true. When my house help eventually arrived, I confronted him with being responsible for the injury on my son’s back, but he denied the allegation. Till today, my son is yet to get over the trauma; he has become so reserved and fearful. I regret getting a house help.”
A medical doctor, Yemi Oladimeji, mother of a five-year-old girl also narrated how her house help would sexually abuse her daughter anytime she was away at work.
She said, “My daughter was a cheerful and jovial child. But I noticed that some months after I employed a 16-year-old boy as house help, she became reserved. She cried excessively, especially when urinating. I didn’t know what was going on until the day I caught my house help having carnal knowledge of my daughter. I could not believe my eyes.
I left office early that day. When I got home, my house help was in his room and didn’t know I had returned from work. I quietly walked into his room. Just as I opened the door, I found him on top of my daughter; I almost screamed my lungs out. I broke down in tears, I didn’t even know what to do, I wasn’t angry at the boy but at myself. I felt I had failed as a mother. Beating the boy or sending him packing wouldn’t change the psychological trauma my daughter was going through all those months. I hate to recall that day.”
A Lagos-based businesswoman,Mrs Jane Diya,revealed that the nanny she employed starved her one-year-old son for months before her discovery.According to her, the nanny usually ate the large chunk of the food she left for her baby.Diya didn’t know what was happening until her son started growing skinny. She still blames herself for her son’s plight.
There have also been cases where domestic workers connived with kidnappers to abduct their bosses’ children while some have served as informants to robbers who robbed their bosses.
The Odegbaikes’ 10-month-old baby, Enioluwa Odegbaike, went missing from their home while in the custody of a nanny they hired two weeks before.
The baby was believed to have been abducted by the nanny, identified as Victoria. Luckily for them, security agents secured the release of their baby.
Aside sexual abuse and kidnap, there are tales of nannies who have caused friction in marriages. A businesswoman, Mrs. Hannah Ozioma, said a nanny she hired almost broke her marriage.
She said, “I had just put to bed and needed assistance in the house. Luckily, I got a nanny from Benin Republic within some days. I thought she was a blessing until she began showing her true nature. All of a sudden, she decided that she was no longer going to eat my food and wanted to cook her food separately. She became rude and hostile. But I tried to endure her. Then, she began dressing seductively around the house. One morning, she came out of her room dressed in tights and a half top and my husband was in the sitting room. From her carriage, I knew she had a hidden agenda. I sacked her immediately.”
Psychologist,Dr. Princess Olufemi-kayode, urged parents to observe their children’s behaviours. She said any child who was being abused in any way would definitely exhibit some strange behaviours.
“When a child begins to show serious fright towards a particular person, then something is wrong. It may not be physical abuse, but most definitely, the child is being abused in some ways by such fellow. Also, when a child who used to excel in his academics begins to do badly, the child’s parents should have a one-on-one chat with him or her,” she explained
She also added that children who find it hard sleeping at night and those that exhibit inappropriate sexual behaviour may be experiencing some form of abuse.
“Eighty-five per cent of cases of abuse involving children are done by people we know. It’s important that parents employ adults to serve as house help and nannies, and this should be done through an agent so that they will be liable to somebody; it’s even criminal to employ children as nannies and house help.
“A house girl or boy who molests his employer’s child would have been molested too at some point in his or her life. And if your nanny does anything criminal, report to the police immediately,” she said.
Calling on the Federal Government to amend the Child Rights Act, Olufemi-Kayode advised parents to show more love towards their children. “Not showing enough love towards your children pre-exposes them to abuse,”
The founder of an agency which supplies domestic workers, also urged parents to have concrete information about their domestic workers before employment.
The founder, who chose to be anonymous, said, “One can’t really know the inner character of a person by mere looking at the person’s face. It’s important that parents carry out background checks on domestic workers they want to employ. A domestic worker who feels rejected in his family, and then gains employment in a home that showers children with love, may probably develop resentment towards his or her employer’s children.
“The only way parents can avoid any problem is to treat such domestic worker as a member of the family. Don’t push them aside or behave as if they aren’t humans. The fact that they are domestic workers doesn’t mean they are not humans. These are people that will be with your children all the time, so one needs to show them love. Do your best and leave the rest to God.”
The Public Relations Officer, Lagos State Police Command, Ngozi Braide, also advised parents to conduct proper screening on any individual they plan to employ as a domestic worker.
“Go to the nearest police station to find out if the person you plan to employ has committed any criminal offence in the past. Also, ensure that the person has a proper and adequate guarantor. Don’t rely on the information given to you by the agent. Another important thing to do is to take that domestic worker to a hospital for a complete health test. They may have diseases which are hidden.”
She further advised parents of kidnapped children not to communicate directly with the abductors out of fear and avoid paying ransom to them.
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